This morning a friend of mine posted a YouTube video that gave three reasons why you never want to live in Michigan, which got me thinking about all of the reasons a person wouldn't want to live in Minnesota. If polar bears inhabited this state, they would probably migrate south for the winter, so you can probably guess that the number one on my list, and probably anyone else who claims to be human, is the cold weather. Now, for those of you who have never been to Minnesota, it isn't cold all the time. However, by most people's definition of cold, the state is probably cold six or seven months out of the year. I watched a segment that the History Channel did on Minnesota today and it said that the Twin Cities Metropolis is considered the coldest urban area in the United States, and one of the coldest in the world. Another video featured a woman who lived in Siberia for part of her life, and she said that she would compare our temperatures to those of Siberia and that many days it's actually colder in Minnesota than it is there.
So, we've got that going for us.
Without further ado, I present to you, "You Know You're From Minnesota If..."
1. You consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 18" of ice and sitting there all day hoping the food will swim by. While I love fishing, I've only been ice fishing once and to me, it was the most boring "sport" ever known to man. Basically, I think men use it as an excuse to escape their nagging spouse and drink beer. While I can't particularly blame them, this wouldn't be my number one choice for a day's getaway.
2. You have ever refused to buy something because it's too "spendy." I can't personally say that I use this word myself, but I have heard it quite frequently from others. I wasn't aware this was limited to Minnesota, though.
3. You think a basketball team consists of twelve white boys. While Minneapolis and St. Paul are fairly diverse, I'd bet there are many cities where you'd be hard-pressed to find more than five percent of the population to be comprised of non-white ethnicities.
4. You like to come in out of the sun when the temperature gets above 72-degrees. This is me to a tee! Unless I'm at the beach, I don't like temperatures much over 70-degrees.
5. Your local Dairy Queen is closed from December through February. Yup! Unless we have a warm winter, you know, temperatures of about 20-degrees or higher, then they may open back up early.
6. You instinctively walk like a penguin for three months out of the year. More like five.
7. Someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there. I'm not sure about this, but I cannot even count the number of times people have walked up to me asking me questions, thinking that I am a store clerk.
8. You are still convinced the Twins will never win the pennant because the owners are too cheap to pay the good players, so they all leave. The Twins have actually won two series, but being a Yankees fan, I hear this all the time!
9. You never had to rewind any part of "Fargo" because you missed some of the dialogue. While about half the people in Minnesota don't sound anything like the characters in "Fargo", sadly, about half do.
10. Your town has an equal number of bars and churches. Unfortunately, this is true in most every small town.
11. You know how to say Wayzata, Mahtomedi, and Shakopee. I am not sure why this is surprising, considered our state is called "Minnesota".
12. You think that ketchup is a little too spicy. Seriously! Minnesotans' food is so bland that if they order a plate of mild buffalo wings you'd better have the local fire department on standby in case the restaurant doesn't have a large enough water supply.
13. Your daily meals are breakfast, dinner, and supper. Supper. This is one of my least favorite words. I'm going to go out into the wild and wrassle us up some supper for tonight. Supper.
14. The physician giving a lecture on gastrointestinal disorders talks about your "tummy." Another word I love to hate. Aside from being five-years old, I'm not sure why a person would ever use this word. Again, I didn't know it was specific to Minnesota, but I've never used it, not even as a five-year old.
15. You may not have actually eaten it, but you've heard of lutefisk. I'm not entirely sure what lutefisk is, but I know it's some type of fish, which is why I have not bothered to learn any more about it. OK...just Googled it...it's dried whitefish and lye. Somehow the Norwegians are still allowed to stay here....
16. Your town isn't trying to be ironic when it plans a winter carnival. I wasn't aware this was only a Minnesotan thing, but after firing up the old Google machine once again, I found that the first hit returned is St. Paul. There is a whole website dedicated to just the winter carnival. Me, I've never been there...I'm not really sure where the desire lies to look at ice sculptures in sub-zero temps.
17. Your gas station thinks full service means filling your gas tank, washing the windshield, checking the oil and being friendly to the customers. Wait, it's not?
18. You laugh out loud every time you see a news report about a blizzard shutting down the entire east coast. This generally happens anytime there is more than three inches of snow on the ground out east. Here, you're lucky if a foot of snow is enough to delay school two hours. Suck it up, pansies.
19. Seventy five percent of your graduating class went to the University of Minnesota. It would probably be more accurate to say that seventy five percent of my class got knocked up before graduating, married by 23, and / or, skipped college, but attended the keggers.
20. People from other states love to hear you say words with O's in them. Yeah, this never gets old. Assholes.
21. You know what "uffda" means and how to properly use it. Guilty.
22. You have no concept of public transportation. We've officially become the biking capital of America because we love the planet, yet implementing mass transit is a foreign concept.
23. You know more than one person who has hit a deer. There are people out there who haven't hit a deer?
24. The only reason you go to Wisconsin is to get fireworks, to fish, or to buy beer on Sunday. Take out the fishing part and you've got a correct statement.
25. You drink pop, not soda. I've never offered someone a soda.
26. You've gone trick-or-treating in three feet of snow. Snowstorm of '91...still talked about today.
27. Everyone you know has a cabin. Yeah, except for me. See you in September, jerks.
28. You measure distance in minutes. True story.
29. You carry jumper cables in your car. I honestly thought this was normal no matter where you live.
30. You know what and where Dinkytown is. I do, though, I've never been, as we already established number 19 to be false.
31. Weather is 80% of conversation. "Sure is a nice day today, isn't it?"
32. You know that the mosquito is really the state bird. I've got nothin'...
34. Deer opener is practically a statewide holiday. "Wanna go sit in a tree all day and freeze off your nutsack? OK, cool, me too."
35. And my ultimate favorite...Somebody used "Yah", "Sure", and "You betcha" all in the same sentence and you didn't laugh. Idiot.
But I work in Dinkytown!!! All very true statements Brenda!
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