Admit it, you've missed me. :) I can't believe it's been nearly a year since I've over shared with all of you the details of my little life. Where to start?
The last time I blogged I mentioned what has been the recurring theme in my life for the past two and a half years...feeling like garbage. A year ago at this time I had my gallbladder removed, but was still feeling miserable. Fortunately, my surgeon took me seriously and had me go in for an endoscopy, which revealed a hiatal hernia. After taking a daily dose of Prilosec for a while, I began feeling relatively human again. I'd have stretches of feeling decent, and then stretches of feeling like I was being bludgeoned in the chest on a daily basis. After contacting the surgeon, he thought my esophagus was spasming, so he sent me in for a barium swallow test. Ultimately, the doc who did the test told me I'm a fat ass and that if I quit eating so much and so late in the day, I'll feel better. OK, so those weren't his exact words, and he was very polite, but that was the gist of what he was saying.
Back up to last summer, though. By mid-June I felt decent enough to start looking for jobs. I really didn't have much of a choice, though, as I'd been unemployed for nearly a year and funds were getting low. I was scared out of my mind because I still didn't feel terrific in terms of my insides or my anxiety, but I knew I had to try to find work. I applied for about 20 different jobs and got an interview very quickly for a Compensation Analyst position in the HR department of a casino about 25 minutes from where I live. I had a phone interview and then a face-to-face interview and I remember talking to my mom and telling her how laid back and "cool" the woman I interviewed with seemed. Holy geez I am a bad judge of character. That woman, for the rest of my employment with the casino, was referred to as "The Nazi" because she was a micromanaging, power-hungry, control freak. I was the fourth person hired in my position in two years and in my first week there I had already questioned how long I'd be able to stand working for her. Well, the answer was less than eight months. When I gave my notice of resignation, I told the Nazi that I was worried about the stability of my position, as there were rumors of layoffs. I knew my position was safe, but I could hardly tell Hitler that my reason for leaving was because she was a raging bitch, could I? The Director of HR approached me about a week before I left and asked me the real reason for my leaving. He said that every person in my position prior to me told him that they left because they couldn't stand the Nazi either. Hmmm. Shocker.
After I was offered my current position, I decided that 2014 is going to be my year. I made my typical laundry list of New Year resolutions, but this year, I've actually stuck with and tackled a few of them. Finding a new job was one of them. I started my new job as HR Manager a month ago, which is at the company my dad retired from. The environment is so much better than it was at the casino. I had some awesome co-workers at the casino, but at my current job I can't really see myself mingling outside of the office. That is somewhat of a disappointment for me because I've generally made good friends with many of my co-workers, but given my position at the company, it's probably for the best that my co-workers and I aren't too friendly. I work about 15 minutes from home, can wear whatever I want to work, can work pretty much whatever hours I want, got a pretty good pay increase, and my boss not only lets me implement new ideas, he also asks for my opinion. It is a breath of fresh air not having to walk on egg shells every day out of fear of being yelled at for dotting my i's the wrong way. For the first time in my life I feel like I finally have a real, grown up job...a career. So, that was resolution number one.
Resolution number two has been to save money. I've almost already completed my financial goal for the year, so hopefully I will surpass it nicely. Another one has been to spend more time with my mom and friends, which I've also done quite well. I had become really, really bitter by the end of 2013, so much so that I really didn't like who I'd become. My biggest resolution was to focus on who I am and get back to being my old self. I am happy to say that since the end of January, when I decided it was time to get out of the casino, I have completed that goal. A sort of nerdy resolution of mine is to read more...a book each month. So far, I've also done that. Losing weight will be my biggest struggle once again, and I was doing better with my spirituality, but embarrassingly, I've not done too well with that in recent months. A fun resolution I made is to take a trip, even a mini one. I haven't been on a real vacation in nearly four years, so it's time! I don't know when and I don't know where, but I want to go somewhere, at least for a long weekend.
I read through the blog entries I've made over the past year or so and have thought, "Wow, these are really boring." I contemplated deleting them because really, who wants to read them? Then I thought I'd leave them to remind myself of where I was a year ago and how far I've come. I still struggle with my health every day. The new thing has been headaches. I'm seeing a neurologist next month and hopefully the allergist as well, and am going to nag until I feel like a normal human being for once. Every day is a challenge with anxiety and I've faced the fact that this will likely be the case for the rest of my life. I don't have anxiety every day, but it's in the back of my mind on a daily basis, especially the days I don't feel well physically. I'm trying to be a stronger person, though, and push through the curve balls life throws my way. And guess what? This week I feel like a champ! That's all a girl can ask for, right? One day at a time.
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